Sunday, April 19, 2009


We had never considered adoption. Whenever we wanted to add to our family and even when we weren't planning on it we would just have another baby.

We knew people that had adopted. They would say, "We love our adopted child as much as our biological children." And I would smile and nod. But I was thinking...


I was skeptical. Sorry if that offends, I just didn't truly understand.

I knew how I felt about my children. That mother bear fierceness, the love so big that my heart felt like it was literally going to pop right out of my chest, the don't you mess with my kids kind of feelings.

So, to think that a person could have those feelings about a child that was biologically not related...well, I just wasn't convinced.

Then... fast forward to Levi.

Levi's birth family is huge, his biomom has 11 birth siblings. Corey comes from a large family too and their families, over the years, have had a lot of opportunities to form friendships and connections. So, when it became apparent, that no one in Levi's birth family would be able to raise him I was hit with the thought..."What about us?"

At first, I didn't think that Corey would go for it. Now, looking back on that, I don't even know why I felt that way. I tentatively posed the scenario for him one night...and he enthusiastically agreed. Now I won't go into all the details on the adoption at this time, I'll save that for another post.

After Levi came to live with us, we ALL fell in love. And it was immediate, there was no weird transition that is widely talked about, it just felt natural, like he was home.

People said some things that really pissed me off irritated me.

"Is he a drug baby?"

-I'm tearing up as I type these words, even now all this time later. I asked that he not ever be called that again, ever. He was MY baby, my beautiful, wonderful son. I did not want him defined by circumstances beyond his control.

"I can't believe that you have taken on such a burden"

-I remember gritting my teeth and forcing the smile to remain on my face. "He is NOT a burden, he is a little boy."

"What a sacrifice you have made"

-Sacrifice implies that we have given up something. We gave up NOTHING. We amazing little boy, connections to his birth family they may be regretting that now, and days, months and years full of little kisses, great hugs and warm brown eyes staring at us with love. Sacrifice? Not even close.

As I thought about my strong reactions to these questions and comments, I realized something. Levi had taught me a great lesson. Can I love an adopted child as much as I love my own? Can I love with the mama bear fierceness, feel the same pride and need to protect?

I can...and I do...


Ginger said...

Amazing! Not that you would feel that way, but that you could explain it to me (your fellow skeptic) in such a way that I can share your feelings AND your tears.

rachel said...



Beautiful post!!

April29 said...

I completely understand. We didn't have any biological children to compare the feelings to but I couldn't imagine having any more love for 2 children than I do for the ones we adopted. Thanks for saying alot of my feeling and putting them in writing:)