Sunday, June 7, 2009

Not Me Monday

Are you sure it's Monday...again???

Let me start by saying that I am a perfect mother. I am hyper-vigilant and know where my children are at all times. I not only have eyes in the back of my head but also on the sides. My spidey sense is so totally evolved that I know immediately when one of my kids is doing something that they shouldn't be.

That being said...

It was not me that did not do a head count before rushing off to the store. I was not the one unaware that not all my kids were present and accounted for before telling my twins "good luck" "I'll be right back."

I did not drive to the store and then go in to get groceries while talking to myself...out loud unaware that I had a stowaway in the van.

Upon returning to the van with my groceries it was not me who didn't immediately notice anything amiss.

Because I am ultra aware and smart, it was not me that couldn't figure out why someone had been into her container of cookie dough...don't judge me snack. Theories of aliens, cookie dough snatchers, and shape shifters did not run through my head before realizing that I had a hitchhiker.

It was most certainly not my 5 year old son that I discovered, with cookie dough breath curled up under the seats. My kids are always in car seats and most definitely not able to sneak in my van, unnoticed.


Because I always know what my kids are doing, at all times, it was not me that failed to notice that her 3 year old had located a pair of scissors.

It did not escape my notice that my 3 year was giving himself a haircut (note to 3 year old boy-hairdresser not a good career choice). Also, when he was finished if you can call it that it was not his 3 year old sister's hair that he turned the scissors on. Thankfully, someone?...anyone? a sibling was paying attention and stopped before any real damage was done.


Because I am very smart, it was not me that couldn't figure out what was happening to the fake berries on the fake plant by the door.

Because I am of above average intelligence, it wouldn't have taken seeing one stuck up the nose of a certain 3 year old boy before the light bulb finally went on. is anything safe from this kid? I am definitely more "with it" than that.

Now I realize that I might definitely not be painting "not me" in a very positive light.

Color me a rocket scientist but I think it's best if I save all the rest of the "not me's" for another Monday.

After all, there should be a limit to the number of dumb things that a person gets to admit to in one week.



rachel said...

Cookie dough??? YUM!

megan said...

At least you are willing to admit some the things you do I am afraid if I post some of mine Noah might be scared to leave me with the kids everyday.

takemetomaui said...

I second the "yum" to the cookie dough!! And you made me chuckle!!

AAAAnd, I just wanted to let you know that I have given you the coveted "Lovely Blog Award" on my blog, because you make me laugh :)


mom24boys said...

5 year old stow-away is BRILLIANT! Kids don't get enough credit: I'm telling ya the kid's a GENIUS!

Ginger said...

At least your stow-away was with you! I have another friend who left her 5 year-old at a rest stop and was several miles down the road before they realized that M was missing. And fake berries... please refer to my post regarding a certain 7 year old and a popcorn kernal in her ear. Scissors--Stacie played Mulan. We haven't even touched on the chocolate milk powder on the white berber carpet. You are doing awesome. Shall I keep going with my mistakes? It might make you feel better. ;)

Kristi said...

Best I have read so far, too funny, see you aound McMama's.

Clair said...

keeping it real!

Loved it!


Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Love the realness..I enjoyed reading your blog tonight....Had some time to do some blog hopping...always enjoy finding new blogs!
Hope you will visit me. This month I am posting on our Disney trip. .

kortney said...

This was a great one - sad that I can relate and I just have a 6 month old at home!