Not Me Monday

It's Monday again and time for another round of confession Not Me Monday!

First let me tell you that I really am Wonderwoman. I fear nothing except sharks, snakes, bugs, dogs and really ugly shoes, am super strong and have cool little bracelets that deflect bullets. And don't even get me started on those amazing red boots...

So...

When out walking with my husband, it was not me that froze in fear when hearing a dog coming. Having a dog chase me when I was 8 years old would not scar me for life because that would show weakness and I am not weak.

I did not utter a naughty word and jump behind my husband, pinching his skin as I frantically grabbed his shirt to more effectively hold my human shield in place.

Because I am uber brave, it was not me that peeked out from behind my husband to watch the dog waddle run over to us.

I certainly wouldn't have felt the least bit embarrassed to find out that the very old, very fat dog was just nicely checking to see if we had something for him to eat. I certainly can tell the difference between an attack dog and an old grey muzzled fat one.

ahem...

I am a wonderful driver. I scoff at the obvious low IQ that other drivers flaunt on a daily basis. I got 100% on my drivers test and drive with perfection everyday.

So...

It was not me that failed to notice that the garage door was not fully up before putting the van into reverse. My hearing is very good although I do have mom hearing that tunes out annoying child noises in order to preserve what is left of my sanity and I would have heard that the door was still on it's upward climb.

Because I pay the utmost attention to what I am doing while driving I would have immediately stepped on the brakes. I would not have backed the van up into the garage door.

Upon hearing the collision of van vs. garage door I would not have wondered what the heck was going on. Theories of possible reasons for the crash that did not include me at fault would not have quickly ran through my head either.

Upon arriving home, it was not me that didn't pull the great white beast van far enough into the driveway before closing the electric gate. Just because my van is 100 feet long does not excuse me from knowing where the back of it is.

It would not have been my eyes that widened in shock upon hearing the gate spank crash into the back of the van. I certainly pay better attention that that.

When the kids asked "what was that" I also wouldn't have I lied...I lied, it was a big fat lie told a small fib and said "What are you talking about? I didn't hear anything."

And in the spirit of "Not Me Monday" it's going to be "not you" that better not tell my "not husband" about the van incident(s).

Because, if you do, like Hannah says...yes, zip it, I know I'm copying a three year old here

"You're not my buddy anymore!"

ahem...